I start up my laptop and see strange messages. [Images] encrypted with base64 hash. Oh oh. It looks like I've got some kind of virus. 'It's ransomware,' I tell my friend, 'it encrypts your data and then demands money to unlock it.' The laptop finishes loading and refuses to do anything other than display a slideshow of all my photos. There's only one option on the menu, which I select. I find myself on the steps of a stone pyramid. It's sunny, jungle expanse. I climb the steps to the top where I find an orange-haired child on a sun lounger, the avatar of the virus writer. 'Sit over there,' it says, gesturing to a round metal tub filled with water. I lower myself in, Jesus, that's cold. I'm handed a sheet of paper, hymn music. I have to sing a hymn. 'There's a dance next.' says the child. I think about this. 'Can't I just... pay the ransom?' I ask, quietly.