We've won some sort of competition. We're the only people who entered. I'm clutching the winning entry as the organiser comes in, jubilant. 'Our winner!' he exclaims, then with suspicion, 'Where's your football? You're supposed to be carrying a football.' Quietly now, 'You ARE a football fan aren't you?' 'Oh sure.' I say. I read the instructions - to claim my prize I have to kick the ball in the air and do a 'Terry', then repeat as many times as I can. As I kick the ball a bottle of Absinthe lights up, the first prize. I run, run and... miss, and fail to do a Terry. Cue video montage of fans doing a proper Terrys and all 'ooh' and 'ahh' ing. Gutted.