Hits 1610 | Created 2007-05-16 | Modified 2007-05-16
Blackout stories sent to me over the years.
so i just got back from a spring break trip to S. Padre Island, TX. people keep asking me how it went and i am unable to respond because i really dont remember. I blackout often and i feel an extreme amount of guilt because i tend to be extremly dramatic and annoy the f**k out of everyone around me. heres some s**t that went down, its all things that my friends told me, some parts are blurry and others are completly non exsistent to me:
Night one: we arrive to padre around 7 and start drinking...i specifically drink beer to avoid blacking out but i happen to be a pro at beer bonging...apparently i broke down and chugged the s**t out of some captain morgan. me and my friends went to a club where me and my friend courtney cause a scene between me, a cop, and the club manager. we are physically removed from the club where we make an even bigger scene outside...next we meet some guys and go back to hotel room and courtney LEAVES ME with a guy that i definatly dont find attractive, ...im pretty sure i passed out im not sure? all i know is when she returned home at 5 am i was pissed and i started throwing s**t at her as im packing my things to make the 8 hour drive home...eventually they calmed me down and i passed out - next morning i woke up, courtney explained the night, and we went to the beach where we started drinking again...
Night 2: i dont remember getting ready or leaving for the club...or the fact that i got lost from everyone i was with...i cried...kicked out of the club again...to the beach were we partied...i appartenly took off my pants in front of mass amounts of people and pissed in the ocean...faught with crystal... got in a fight with some guy i dont know because he said something rude to me?the next morning i awoke with no recolection...crystal explained it all to me...and we started drinking again...
Night three: drank all dam day...chugged liqour since i had somehow drank all of the 42 beers i brought with me...s**tfaced by 3...passed out before night even came..woke up at 5 am only to puke my brains out ...
so when people ask me how my vacation was...i can honestly say i dont know but ive got a large perscription to xanex that cures my post-blackout anxiety attacks, which are always prevalant after a night of heavy drinking. i keep saying one day ill have it under control but im beggining to think no matter who i hurt, or how much awful s**t happens...i still procede to do what i do and it is certain that the patterns are self destructive.
i could lay it down in three easy steps but that would distract from the point:ive hit a tree,and another car and driven long distances, been pulled over for "swurving", 6 MIP (minor in possession) and here i am, barely 19 yrs old...ive woken up in places that have no name or meaning to me...i lie; for some reason i told someone at a party that i had AIDS, that im a writer and my new novels coming out in 3 months, that im a vegan,that i am an ex- heroin addict...one time i lost my purse at a club after a steep fall down some stairs and even though i wasnt carrying my cell phone or my credit cards i continued to tell people that i have 50,000$(BIG LIE) in my bank account and that i need to use their cell phone to call and cancel the card...i was screaming down the street "50,000 GONE! IM f**kED!!! LET ME USE YOUR f**kING PHONE DUDE?!" i used many phones but never managed to cancel the card that i never even lost...untill i came home and woke up my parents at 6 am- they still do not understand my antics... all ridiculous lies that really do not benefit me in any way...maybe im bored and want to get some kind of reaction from people; whatever dude i only know what others tell me...
my friends get mad at me because i cant ever explain why i do these things...when im blacked out i have no rational or reasoning, and how am i supposed to explain myself when i cant remember...it feels like im a different person
this pattern started when i was 16 and sometimes i laugh, i cry because i cant even begin to comprehend what i dont know or feel...and in the end i guess that is the point.
one thing is for sure im angry when im in a blackout and i am definitely a fan of men...
I seem to be user number 2, so I guess I ought to say something...
Firstly, I found the info on this site and the link to the alcohol blockout book very interesting. Thanks!
Tiredness and lack of food are certainly factors, as mentioned, but it seems quite unpredictable. I seem to eat and drink the same amount on two different nights and one night I'll remain lucid and another will have big gaps.
My typical blackout experience is that I'm in the pub, drinking at a steady pace, getting quite chatty and lively, but not seeming to get really drunk. Then someone (quite possibly me!) suggests going to a club after the pub closes. I remember going into a particular club and getting the first drink or two there, then [blank], then maybe I'm dancing a bit, then [blank], then I'm back in my bed with no recollection of how I got home.
Sometimes it is fairly comical, like one night when I got a post-club taxi to a late-night kebab shop with a friend. One moment I'm sitting there eating, then [blank], then I'm wandering around in a nearby street looking under cars for my missing glasses, then [blank], I'm home in bed. I wear my glasses all day every day - I have no idea why I took them off or what happened to them. I had a few of the minor unexplained scratches and bruises that one acquires while drinking but not enough damage to be consistent with having been in a fight or accident. So why would I take them off? It's just a total mystery.
Sometimes, however, it is very serious. I'm usually careful to avoid drink-driving. If I've driven somewhere and then had more than 1 1/2 to 2 pints of ordinary weak English lager, I'll leave the car there, get a bus home and pick it up in the morning. However, on a couple of occaisions, I've drunk large amounts and woken up in bed with the car parked outside the house, so I'd clearly driven home while blacked out after having maybe 8 pints.
The worst occaision was when I woke up sitting in the driving seat of my car in daylight in a street in central London, some miles away from where I'd been drinking the evening before. The battery was flat, presumably because I'd passed out without turning the lights off. More importantly than the severe risk of losing my licence if a policeman had happened to spot me during the hours I'd presumably been slumped asleep there, it horrifies me to think that I must have been driving through busy city streets absolutely out of my head.
I now try to ensure that I always go to the pub on foot or public transport so that there is no risk of this sort of thing happening.